Into the Yellow Wood

I walked out of Lindner two years ago today, with my ink soaked yellow legal pad tucked under one wing and Nighty under the other. With a vulnerable set of new boundaries, a whole scroll of how my very own toxicity landed me in the middle of my beloved Labyrinth, and a Vision that would send anyone down the bunny burrow to the funny farm. I had gone full scorched earth in my crash-out. Which meant there was nothing on the other side. Nothing to go back to. No job. No partner. No money. It was 3 days shy of my 36th birthday. Unemployed, single, and fairly friendless, I gave my favorite employee a hug – told her my instagram handle, which you’re not supposed to do – and climbed into the back of my dad’s car. First stop, A Tavola for tagliatelle and Aperol. How Botticelli of me.

It took me no time at all to realize that it was assumed I would jump back into the heard of sheep and get on with my life. Looking at what happened as a blip on the radar. That I had been fixed like a doll and put back on the shelf for resale. My toe tag reading “Will let you treat her like your servant!” & “Will work to death for free!”

The only problem was, I was a wide awake real girl now, with a brand new set of heart-shaped rose colored sunglasses, and I was never going back in that box, and I was never going back on that shelf, and I most certainly was never taking those glasses off.

Everything surrounding me was charred. I mean I was the one who administered the charring so what exactly did I expect? I can tell you now — two years down the line — what I expected. I expected to walk out of Lindner into a fully realized and operational HollyLand. Straight from my mind to my three dimensional reality. From CBT to CEO. Lickity split, b*tch.

What I was obviously ill prepared for, is what I now call, My Recovery Phase. The come down, if it t’were. The evening out. The settling. The grounding. Into this dimension, into this reality, into this version of me. Not the one in the Vision. This one.

The one who came home to an empty apartment with a fresh coat of Off-White over her wall prophecy.

What do I do first? Do I go to Kroger and get food? What can I afford? Turkey sammies and Cape Cod salt & vinny chips. Done. Let’s roll. Don’t forget the Dukes.

***

The next two years were about to put everything I had awakened to, to the test. You don’t exactly go from downloading your Akashic Records & Astral Traveling to working a muggles job again. I lit my forest on fire so I could come back and regenerate the land from one little sapling that remained.

What God gave me was the preview. Then he gave me the choice.

So I called up Mr. Frost and I said, let’s get lost.

Go lightly with love,

Holly